I may or may not be back

It’s not looking good. Not good at all. I have all the material I need for the article, I have read enough to get a handle of things but I lack the energy to go forward. What could help me? A personal coach? Nicotine+coffeine combo. Drugs in general. Positive thinking… what? I tried resting since I had a five week holiday that just ended on Monday. Perhaps it’s time management, that I need. Tried that, failed. The question on my head now is, if this is lack of motivation, what is the source? I’d truly like to be working on the PhD and stuff, but I seem to be having everything else on my hands.
I have a strange fear of failing that I can’t seem to be able to shake off. Every time I try to create a finished draft (?!) of my article, I get tired and angry. I have a lot of writing on my hands, a Start up and several other projects that really interest me. So, should I skip this PhD and start concentrating on something else?
Well?
Hell no.
In the past, it has always been Motörhead (the band) that has given me inspiration – for good and bad – but now even that doesn’t seem to fit my mental state. The one thing Lemmy Kilmister once said in an interview keeps running in my head. He said, “Why is Motörhead where it is right now? Well, we just kept going”. I try to tell myself that by just keeping a up the thing things will start happening.
Sure, I did write a piece a while ago for IEET and sure, I do get a lot of encouragement from the people near me. It’s just that I feel the project as a burden in stead of a source of inspiration.
I can’t really stop now but it feels as if I am doing all the wrong things.
Tell you what. I’ll give it a go once again and try to have something done. Doing academic research is not like running or any other BS analogies people (who can do it) keep telling me.
I’m back or not. Let’s see.